Living Danishly in Budapest?
On Vikings, Mental Resilience and Standing Up for What You Believe In
I’m writing this from a hotel in Budapest, looking out at the Danube that has burst its banks, reaching its highest water levels for a decade. People are either taking selfies or carrying sandbags to try and stem the flow, but the city – both Buda and Pest sides – is in turmoil. In a strange twist of fate, I’m here for Hungary’s biggest mental health event to tackle turmoil of a different kind.
I’m giving a talk for 400 people at PszichoFest ahead of the launch of my new book in Hungary. There’s a nervous energy that comes with preparing for any talk, along with excitement for the launch of How to Raise a Viking in Hungary (The Danish Secret to Happy Kids in US/Canada). But as I sit, momentarily still (not my natural state) gathering my thoughts for the day, there’s a flurry of activity outside the window and an elephant in the room. Because I’m not sure how some parts of my book will go down.
In 2021, Viktor Orbán’s government proposed legislation designed to censor any ‘LGBT+ positive content’ in books, films, and public advertisements, while also restricting sex education in schools. Any material that was thought to ‘promote homosexuality’ was forbidden.
‘There’s a constitutional definition of ‘family’ as only between a man and a woman,’ one Hungarian friend told me ahead of my visit: ‘they say that: ‘the father is a man, the mother is a woman’, which shuts down the recognition of same-sex parents.’ ‘Legally, same-sex marriage is not accepted,’ another friend based in Budapest shared. ‘It's very hard, if not impossible technically, to adopt a child, if you live with a same-sex partner.’
For a writer who champions liberal values and celebrates tolerance, arriving in Hungary to launch a book that encourages independence, resilience, and freedom of expression - especially for children - feels, well, daunting.
Because Danes do things differently.
Sex education in Scandinavia
As regular readers may know, sex education has been compulsory in Denmark since the 1970s and children take part in a national curriculum ‘Sex Week’ every February (week six in the calendar, or 'seks' in Danish). Every year there’s a new theme, from consent to identity and ‘the perfectly imperfect body’. It’s always taught in an age-appropriate way, with eleven-year-olds taking a module called ‘adolescence’ where they can submit questions anonymously for teachers to address. And so far? In my experience? It’s been overwhelmingly positive.
READ: Uge seks or ‘Sex Week’ in Denmark on Substack
What family looks like in the Nordic countries
There are 37 different types of family unit in Denmark from same-sex couples to single parents and more. Sweden, Norway and Iceland have more births outside marriage than within it, and 67 per cent of Icelandic babies are born to parents who aren’t married. In the US and the UK, these family formations are associated with being worse off and can attract stigma. But in the Nordic countries, more flexible arrangements are embraced.
Former Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin was raised by two female parents. Mette Frederiksen became Denmark’s youngest prime minister in 2019 as a single mother of two. She’s since married and now lives with her husband plus his three children in a household of seven, which must be total chaos as a happy blended family.
Baby Svend may have two mums; Lars may be raising his son single-handedly; Ingrid may have used donor sperm (Danes currently send their sperm to 100 countries worldwide and account for 30 per cent of all new imported donor sperm in the UK). No matter how a family is formed, each will have strengths and flaws – just like ours.
How to Raise a Viking is a book about how people in the Nordics are raised from birth onwards to be their most resilient, authentic selves. It’s a book about play, a different approach to education, food, discipline, time spent in nature, trust. And it’s also about solidarity, community and freedom. Letting children explore who they are, what they think and feel. Encouraging them to face life’s challenges head-on and teaching them to stand up for what they believe in.
At the end of the day, all that really matters in Denmark is that a child is loved in a family, no matter what that family looks like.
But given the leadership in Hungary, can this message get through?
Standing Up for What Matters
Hungary’s political climate is different from Denmark’s. In the last few years, the country has seen the introduction of legislation that directly contradicts values I hold dear – values like inclusivity and open dialogue. But it also makes it more important than ever to be here. To show up. To challenge.
One of the core tenets of raising mini-Vikings in Denmark has been to encourage everyone to have a voice and stand up for what they believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s easy to talk about resilience and bravery in theory, but when you’re faced with a real-life situation that challenges those values, that’s when it counts.
Over the past almost 12 years of living Danishly, my Nordic neighbours and teachers have inspired me with their ability to face challenges head-on. If I’m going to write about raising kids with Viking values, I’d better live up to them myself.
So here I am, in Budapest, getting ready to stand up and talk about resilience, inclusivity, independence and building a better future at PszichoFest—an event dedicated to exactly those themes.
Embracing the Viking Spirit at PszichoFest
PszichoFest is a new event featuring more than 35 speakers, workshops, and discussions on everything from self-awareness and trauma to child-rearing and career building. It’s a celebration of mental health and well-being in a country where, honestly, the conversation around these topics feels more vital than ever. Hungary, much like the rest of the world, is grappling with the pressures of a rapidly changing society. And PszichoFest is all about giving people the tools to navigate these changes.
It's a privilege to be here – and it’s always a huge honour to be welcomed at all as a writer from overseas and a guest in another country. In a way, this feels like exactly the right place to be launching How to Raise a Viking. All about how to raise happier, healthier, independent, kind children - children who can, hopefully, grow up in a world that allows them to be exactly who they are. It’s a small, quiet way of saying that ‘these values matter’ everywhere - not just in liberal Scandinavia, but in countries where those freedoms might feel under threat (and I include some sections of UK society in this…).
Launching How to Raise a Viking in Hungary
I’ve felt hugely supported in this by HVG Könyvek, my Hungarian publisher. They’ve been champions of my work for years, bringing both The Year of Living Danishly and The Atlas of Happiness to Hungarian readers. Their support has been unwavering and it’s thanks to HVG Könyvek that I’m here today. They’ve long been a voice for liberalism and change – recently publishing Little People, Big Dreams book on Freddie Mercury in Hungarian. So launching How to Raise a Viking with them in a country where the fight for tolerance and inclusivity is ongoing (as it is in so many places, near and far) feels like the right fit.
And then there’s Budapest
Amidst all of this, there’s the city itself. Budapest is a city that wears its history on its sleeve - every corner feels like it’s been touched by empires, revolutions, and change. There’s a grit and determination here that feels, dare I say, Viking-like.
At present, several river-cruise ships are stranded on the Danube following heavy rainfall and there are crowds taking selfies in front of a flooded tram line. But despite everything, there’s a sense of forward momentum too – an energy and a drive that’s infectious. Also: the food. Can I talk about the food scene in Budapest for a moment? I had dinner last night with my publishers at a place called Textũra that I can highly recommend (smoked trout, catfish stew, a dessert that involved dry ice? Yes please…). And did you know that Budapest now has about eight billion (okay: 26) Michelin starred restaurants? #fancy
No, me neither.
So this morning, before I head to the launch, I’m taking my coffee along with a quiet moment to reflect on what today will bring. There’s a lot of uncertainty ahead but there’s also a lot of hope. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the Vikings, it’s that resilience isn’t about avoiding difficulty; it’s about facing it head-on and finding strength in the process. So, here we go…
Skål to that. 🍻
Helen
Helen Russell is the bestselling author of The Year of Living Danishly, The Atlas of Happiness, and How to Raise a Viking. She writes about different cultural approaches to the good life (and how to get there!).
Congratulations on your Hungarian publication! Budapest is such a gorgeous city. My husband and I honeymooned there back in 2001, and we returned with our son in 2019. We were able to book the same suite at the Hotel Gellert where we had stayed nearly two decades before, with that stunning view of the Danube and the green trams passing by below, glistening in the rain. I love that you are bringing your message of love and inclusion to Hungary. (And we even share a Hungarian publisher:)
You are a viking and you said it best: "One of the core tenets of raising mini-Vikings in Denmark has been to encourage everyone to have a voice and stand up for what they believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable." We are cheering for you and look forward to hearing how things went. Skål!